at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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