i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize