U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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