FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
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The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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