I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
accomplished twins. life is a go
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
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I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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