The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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