I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
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Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
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I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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