do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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