So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
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Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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