she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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