why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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