too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize