just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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