sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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