My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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