so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
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The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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