let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
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I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
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I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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