I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
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It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm both gender and math confused
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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