You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
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we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
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You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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