it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
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She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
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She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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