she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
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i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
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I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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