Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize