my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
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I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
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As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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