my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
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just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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