Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
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from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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