fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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