Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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