Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
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There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We were destined to go to rehab together
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I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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