She said her name was "party"
I need to stop coming to work sober
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
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I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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