woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
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scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
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Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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