So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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