Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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