Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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