so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
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yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
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In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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