first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
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Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
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I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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