so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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