i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
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there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
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come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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