I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
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The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
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I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Please don't give away my fajitas
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