I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize