my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize