Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
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he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
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If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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