he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
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I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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