Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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