I just made out with a guy for $7.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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