I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
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High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
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As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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