Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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