ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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