i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
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Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
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The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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