We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
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He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
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Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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