hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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